Lost my best friend, she is around me, but I lost her. I am the one who let her go with her own thought, and her way of life. Or may be everything is because my own thought and way of life? Not sure.
Last night, I had thought about the whole things that happened between us for all these years, found out that actually, I am lonely!! yes, I want to find a friend that I can share my happiness, and sadness.. but I don't want them to envy me.. or I do want them to envy me?? yeah, my attitude, and way of talking.. always created a snobbish atmosphere.
Lonely, I am.. I am not complain for real.. just to express my dilemma, even though my situation and my dilemma is not a big problem compare to those who struggle for foods. But I always have a reason to complain... I don't know whether I just want to talk about my problems, to ignore, that actually, my problems is very tiny so, that not necessarily to talk about..?? or, I just want to find someone to talk to?
After a long thought, I realized.. this world is a lonely place. No matter you are married, or surrounded with friends, and fun.. back to reality, we are all individually alone with our own world.. with a lot of desires to do this and that, desires to own this and that, desires to beat or to conquer our own achievments, or others, compares ourself to anothers.. in material life, in knowledge life.. in everything. The point is all of those things, is just to show it to other people, just to let others know your capabilities. Then what? still alone..
Life is very simple, I think.. we live our life is for ourself, and we should live our life with a responsibility, and live our life with care. But, too bad, most of the time, we just think of how to live our life in a better and more convenient way.. that's the root of the chaos today.. that's the root of the problems today. But who cares? ah.. just some stupid paranoid thinker will think about it, and feel hopeless, then comitted suicide.. ^.^
From now on, I will try my best to live my life happily, no complains, do my best to everything, lowered my desires toward materials.. help more people, and listen to more sorrows..
